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| The Resurrection!
N(not so)B: Chrystos Voskres?!!? No no no... not *that* resurrection, of *course* I don't mean that - I mean of my "own little corner of my own little" Xanga world (quotes that *could be* interpreted as references to Cinderella [the musical] don't mean anything in particular about the sexual orientation of the author of this post).
How long has it been, friends? My goodness... it's been since the installment of the now-not-so-new Pope of Rome! Mil disculpas! I really meant to keep this up (as per my *numerous* promises to do so in the past will surely show), but I have had so much happen to me in the past few months that when I got back on track (so to speak) that I simply hadn't thought about nor had I the "ganas" to reempezar posting here ("spanglish" *is* the future language of the *entire* western hemisphere, folks... get on the friggin bus!).
How has everyone been?
How many people have actually had something bad happen to them on Friday the 13th? Anyone? I was thinking that very thing on May, Friday the 13th of this year. It was around 5:20PM (Cancun time - I will someday comment on how the greedy Republicans in Indiana have utterly *ruined* the rock of locked, unchanging time in my beloved home). I was acutally reflecting on Friday the 13th and how nothing "bad" has ever really happened to me on that day... that, my friends, *may* have been my mistake. You see... about 5 minutes after thinking on that very subject (Friday the 13th), a lawyer from the corporate offices of the, well... the corporation (obviously), came entered the building with killer hockey mask/machete combo and began to massacre, er, wait... um... that's not even close to what happened. Let me back up a bit and see if I can get a little closer to the "real" version of the events of that fateful day (drama). A lawyer from the company entered our offices (which happened to be right next door to corporate) with no less than 5 security guards and a locksmith - WOW! What happened next was so darn unlucky that I can no longer say that nothing "bad" (or "unlucky" has ever happened to me on Friday the 13th). The attorney for the corporation fired my 2 (ex) bosses and another (former) co-worker and then called *me* up to the front of the offices... yikes... He was there with his 5 security guards holding some legalesque paperwork whilst the locksmith was about his business of changing the locks - FUN! He told me that I was being fired... I stated to chuckle a little, I guess... cause he asked me, "What's so funny about that?" I said, "It's Friday the 13th, ya know, and I was *just* saying to myself...
A lot has happened since then, I guess. I was jobless for a whole month. That, in a word, sucked. I did timeshare (I mean "vacation club" - ahem!) for another (subsequent) month. That was *interesting*! And now I am working for the same damned company that fired me... There is *so much more* to these stories (if ya'll are interested or if "ya'll" even exist at this point), but I am running out of space/time (sounds like a recoccuring Star Trek problem, doesn't it?)
Trevor Foughty (of ConcussionsRUs fame) actually came to "my own little corner" (dammit - I can't stop) of the world for a short visit. I must say he made *quite* the impression on my Mexifriends - who have sense named this burg "Foughtycun" (I am lying, just plain lying). It was good to see Trevor - we had some fun, read some letters, watched The Sound of Music, QE4theSG, etc... ;)
Who else is gonna visit me in Cancun, huh?? ;)
Blessings,
Chris | | |
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Benedictus PP. XVI
Habemus Papam! Habemus Papam!
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Karol Jozef Wojtyla (Pope John Paul II),
Thank you so very much for your faithfulness to Christ and His mission on earth through His Church.
"Servant of the Servants of God," may the Lord God grant you eternal peace and rest in the light of His Beatific Vision.
Omnes semper - ad Jesum, per Mariam, cum Petro. Amen.
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| - - I don't even know how to begin to talk about this... I guess I could
just jump right in and say she has now given me, not ONE, but TWO pairs
of her panties in a conspicuous little plastic container... She has
confused me with her ex-boyfriend... She has written me love notes...
she has told me she loved me, and she has tried to kill herself within
the last month.
*WHEW*
It all started about 2 weeks ago now, I guess... I saw this rather odd,
but *seemingly* harmless woman (with some odd marks on her neck)
standing outside one of the newer clubs here in centro. She was
dressed in all black with a K.D. Langesque haircut. Hmmmm... The club
is called "Memories" and they have a decent live band that plays 60s,
70s, and 80s tunes. Fun. I don't know what possessed me to consider
spending a spell there, but there I stood on Tulum Avenue mulling it
over... The afforementioned "odd, but *seemingly* harmless woman" (the
one with the strange marks on her neck) began to pitch the place to me,
and I decided to be pitched at. So there I was - listening to her
speak the praises of the band there (not "sing the praises" - I hate
when people say that and I didn't want to go for the obvious pun). She
was pretty convincing... they were "better than the Eagles." Ok - she
didn't say that and I am not sure what it would have changed
if she had..... Anyway... she was obviously a native speaker of the
English language (nothing gets by THIS guy, friends), and I felt the
urge to ask her where she was from... so I decided to do just that, but
not without first asking if she was Canadian - mainly because her
dialect seemed to indicate that she was of Canuck stock. She said
nothing.... she just pulled up her right pant leg and showed me a
tattoo of a red maple leaf. We ALL know what this means, no? But
*then* she said, "Nope - I am from California, but everyone thinks I am
from Canada." I thought to myself, "No shit?!?" Ugh. Then she went
on to explain how I wasn't the first person to make that mistake...
again, I thought to myself, "No shit." She said, "I have a lot of
friends from Canada - so the accent probably rubbed off on me." I
couldn't help but think, "Did the tattoo rub off on you too?" However, I
refrained from saying that outloud... Against my better judgement I
decided to go ahead and see this "phenomenal" [oldies] cover band. She
directed me to some stairs... she said, "You can sit with my husband.
It's his birthday - well, *actually* it's *really* his birthday
tomorrow, but these guys aren't open tomorrow so we get to celebrate it
tonight." I was so relieved. Anyway... she escorted me upstairs to a
table, but there was no "husband" to be found. He was "draining his
lizard," I guess... I have no idea what that means... (yes I do, I
lied). So I sat by myself... I ordered a beer, a dark beer... I can't
get Guinness here so I try to make up for it by ordering domestic
darks. I'm in denial. After a spell I saw an older gentlemen come
from the area of the bar that looked to house the "baños." He was
older and obviously American (I guess after what happened above I can't
take anyone "looking" to be any "obvious" nationality very seriously,
but I did it again in this case anyway). He gestured to me...
indicated that he wanted me to come sit by him. I went over... he
said, "Are you alone?" I said, "Yes." He said, "You can sit with
me." I was like, "um... ok." He told me about the fact that it was
his birthday... I said, "Oh, ok... I met your wife downstairs - she
said I am supposed to be sitting with you anyway." So I sat down. He
proceeded to tell me his life story... albeit an *ever-so-slightly*
abriged version... to be honest- it could've been a *lot* shorter, but
I had nothing better to do. He was from New York state (Ha! I *was*
right about his nationality) - he had "come up hard" and left home at
12. He lied about his age and joined the Army at 16. He went to
Vietnam. He "killed a lot of people, did a lot of drugs, and became an
expert in martial arts." If ever there was a story that had the
"makings" to be a great movie... (like 1,000 times now) this was "it."
Ugh... Anyway... he had been in Cancun 8 years. He decided to retire
here after having been here over 30 years ago. He came here after the
war "cause he wasn't wanted in his own country." He was here with a
friend. There "was nothing here, nothing at all." He "just drank a
case of beer everyday" while he "walked around the beach in a
traditional skirt made of grass, or sometimes just plain naked."
Lovely. The place "grew on" him and he returned he when he reached
retirement age. His wife then came up to him and frantically whispered
something in his ear... she was obviously very excited. He kept
telling her "no" and shaking his head, but his protestations were lost
on her as she was very insistent about whatever it was she had come to
tell him. He finally agreed... then she left as quickly as she had
come... We listened to the band for awhile. They were ok, well... just barely. They
could sing decent harmonies, I guess - and that's quite the rarity in these parts.
Anyway... I got a text message from a friend who works at the hotel I
live in... he had "scored" two hot Canadian chicks... ones who were
*actually* Canadian (not like our friend with the tattoo), from the
hotel. He wanted me to come to meet him. I decided to tell the
birthday boy that I would be taking my leave. He said, "ok, but before
you go I need you to do me a favor." I got this strange feeling... but
I said, "Ok, what did you need?" He said, "My wife thinks you are her
ex-boyfriend, Jack." WTF!?!? He continued, "Look - she tried to kill
herself about a week ago. Did you see the marks on her neck." I had,
in fact, noticed them - so I just nodded in the affirmitave.... He
said, "I found her hanging and had to cut her down. She hears voices
that tell her to do things, but I love her so much." I was
speechless. What do you say to an almost complete stranger at this
point? He said, "Before you go - could you please go to her, hug her,
tell her that you love her and that you'll be back." Wow. I still
have have NO IDEA WHY, but I said, "Ok." I proceeded to exit the club
where she was waiting for more potential clients to "pitch" the place
to. She said to her husband, "Is this really Jack?" He silently
indicated that I was... Then I said, "I have a message for you." I
didn't know how else to preface this bizarre thing. I embraced her and
said, "I love you and I will be back." She seemed so excited and
happy... she said, "Can you wait like 30 seconds? - I have something
for you." I said, "Ok." She ran back into the club and brought me a
small plastic container and what looked to be several hand-written
letter taped together in an odd fashion. I thanked her and left as
quickly as I could without looking as though I was completely terrified
- but I was. Who wouldn't be? Maybe Rob Hocker? ;)
I tried not to think about it after that.... But the other night I was
walking on Tulum again. I walked directly in front of "Memories" and
she sprang out the door... she scared the shit out of me. She said,
"Jack! How are you?" I said, "I am ok, I guess." I know how screwed
up and unethical it is to continue to play this role for her, but all I
could do was picture her having another go at suicide when I shattered
the reality she'd now accepted about my being this "Jack" person... so
I just kept playing... She said, "I have something else for you." She
flew upstairs... I am not sure about the physics of it all, but I saw
what I saw... ok, not really... she *ran* up the stairs and returned
with a more scotch-taped notes and another small plastic container.
She said, "Can you be sure these get to the proper people?" I just
said, "Ok." She said, "and how is he?" I just told her that he was
"fine" and that I "needed to be going." I controlled the urge to run
like hell...
When I got home I began untaping the letters... These are *easily* the
strangest letters I have ever read, disjointed... full of strange words
and references... I haven't a clue what to make of them... and the
small plastic containers? Panties. Both times... both thongs, though
one appears to be made from beeds or candy. Lord have mercy.
How about that?
Not much else - St. Patrick's day was a bust here... Like Dingus day in
Israel? I have no idea. They don't celebrate "cinco de
mayo" in Eire, so I guess it's fair.
I would like to send a shout out to Brea Persing! Thanks for reading hon! You're a gem.
I would also like to send a "long distance dedication" to one Erin
Martin in NYC! Astoria, Queens rocks! I always think of
Eddie Murphy in "Coming to America" when I think of Queens... that
scene when "Sexual Chocolate" sings "The Greatest Love of All" is classic,
just classic:
"Damn... that boy's good."
"Yeah, good 'n terrible."
Bliss!
I will be taking a poll about the letters soon... I need to talk to
lawyers on both sides of the border, a priest, and a dwarf first
though...
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| - Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona
Daoibh!!
(Happy St. Patrick's Day!)
I have a special request for all of you who will
"partake" in certain St. Patrick's Day festivities (I am referring to
something *other* than going to see "Riverdance" at the Morris
tonight). Have a pint Guinness for me!! Dedicate me
one! Then have a "black 'n tan" for me too (Ireland over
England!!). I can't get that stuff here or I would. Don't
think of it as YOU doing the drinking, rather think of it as helping
me... it's an experiment in absentee alcoholism Irish Catholic style!
NOTE: THE HARDCORE PROTS *SHOULD* BE WEARING
ORANGE TODAY - THIS SHOULD MAKE THEM EASIER TO PICK OUT! KICK
THEIR LOYALIST TEETH IN!! ÉIREANN GO BRACH!!
Now so I don't sound more Irish than Catholic
(though this is more than true many times) - I would to offer
traditionally attributed to the great Saint himself...
THE BREASTPLATE OF ST. PATRICK
I bind
unto myself today the strong name of the trinity,
by invocation of the same, the Three in One, the One in Three.
I bind
this day to me forever by power of faith Christ's incarnation,
his baptism in the Jordan
river, his death on the
cross for my salvation;
his bursting from the spiced tomb, his riding up the heavenly way,
his coming at the day of doom I bind unto myself today.
I bind
unto myself today the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay, his ear to harken to my need,
the wisdom of my God to teach, his hand to guide, his shield to ward,
the Word of God to give me speech, his heavenly host to be my guard.
Christ
be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me;
Christ to comfort and restore me;
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
I bind
unto myself the name, the strong name of the Trinity,
by invocation of the same, the Three in One, and One in Three,
of whom all nature hath creation, eternal Father, Spirit, Word;
praise to the God of my salvation, salvation is of Christ the Lord!
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.
Slan,
Chriostoir O'Cearnaigh
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